Dear Santa, 

You must be very surprised that I am writing you today the 26th of Decembre. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for speakers, a new motor transport, a hat, and strings for my guitar so I can go on tour. I destroyed my brain and my hands practicing and composing the whole year. Not only did I do well but I got the highest response of anyone else and I even got the highest grades in the classes I took. I am not going to lie to you but there was no one else in my neighborhood that was as kind and considerate as me, or did as much for the community as I have. I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I would do for the benefit of humanity with my own self-sacrifice. And as you know my band was going to put out a Xmas record and dedicate it to you. What balls you have leaving me a fuckin' yoyo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly socks! What the fuck were you thinking you fat prick! Have you forsaken me for some sucker the whole damn year to con out with some shit like this underneath my Xmas tree! And as if you had not fucked me enough you gave those little quiffs down the block so much shit they can hardly even go into their house! Don't let me see you next year trying to fit your fat ass down my chimney - I'll fuck you up! I will throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you will have to walk back to the North Pole, just like I would have to do since you did not get me that motor transport. FUCK YOU SANTA! Next year you will find out how bad I can really be, you fat cocksucker.

Sincerely

Lil' Joey 

Santa's Response:

Dear Lil' Joey,

Be thankful for what you did get. Remember, we know when you are sleeping. We know when you're awake. We know when you've been bad or good. And lastly, we know what you do in the shower, and  it really upsets Mrs. Claus.

Santa.